There is a scene in the movie Selena (1997) where Abraham Quintanilla, Selena’s father, expresses extreme frustration with the burden of being a Mexican American. The moment takes the form of a monologue where the protagonist talks about being exhausted with having to be a better Spanish speaker in Mexico than a Mexican and a better English speaker in America than an American.
Since Selena and her family lived mostly in Texas, it is the last place one would expect better language domination by a bilingual person. Tejanos, especially in the south, cannot help speaking English and Spanish at the same time.
Bilingual speakers from other parts of the country need to listen carefully to this way of communicating as the same thoughts are expressed part in English and part in Spanish. Many times, this hybrid way of talking is like a third language with distortions that only Tejanos can decipher accurately.
The notion of being better bilinguals is actually part of a stream of ideas imparted by those that helped to facilitate Latino entry into mainstream institutional work. Recently, I had lunch with a Latino university official who reminded me that some of those perspectives were standards that I held with my Latino colleagues throughout our time together.
During my career in higher education, I was open about the notion that the quality and quantity of our contribution to the profession had to be measurably above the expected output of others. I do remember using the words, “twice as good.”
There was an occasion when a fellow professional who had been around for a while, took the floor and stated that just like everyone else, Latinos had also earned the right to be mediocre. It was a very upsetting statement because we were so few and there was so much to do on the goal to demonstrate excellence to our students and the public.
Many in our community think that being bilingual and bicultural is an advantage because there are rewards for having a foot in each of the two worlds these languages represent. They point to things like wanted ads that seek Spanish speakers to help in sales, education and other services as a confirmation of that station and preference.
In reality, the thought of having a foot in each of two worlds is a misnomer because we live our lives “in between” those two worlds rather than in them. Abraham in Selena “explains that being Mexican American means you have to work twice as hard to satisfy two different worlds.”
In that same scene, Abraham “notes that you have to prove your Mexican heritage to Mexicans (who might scrutinize your spoken Spanish or call you a Pocho or ‘watered-down Mexican) while simultaneously proving your American identity to Anglos.” That condition is far from a sign of belonging as it appears more like a visitor with conditional in and out privileges into both worlds.
The Chicano Movement began the search for a sense of belonging. But so much of its energy was spent on the struggle for recognition as an important presence in American history, American justice, American equality and American institutions that less time was available for that search which is personal, internal and one that takes us to a time before our creation.
That search is the overriding task for those brave enough to accept the journey. It is a dangerous mission full of every hazard and obstacle.
Finding success is essential. It creates a firm ground for a new America.
The views expressed by David Conde are not necessarily the views of LaVozColorado. Comments and responses may be directed to News@lavozcolorado.com.
